Saying Goodbye

                              29 de mayo

I'm in the airport again, but this time its to come home from a life changing journey.
I know I haven't fully finished all the posts I wanted to make about my time here in Mexico, but you can be sure I will be retroactively posting (as I have been for basically this entire blog, unfortunately).

Sebastian came to the airport with me and I have just left him on the other side of security. I cried so much my eyes are stinging and I'm crying again writing about it.

It feels really weird to be leaving Mexico, it really and truly has become a second home to me and it is immensely painful to leave it behind.

I don't even think I have the words I need to describe this experience yet, and the leaving part is, right now, too hard and painful to fully process.

So I'm leaving this post short and bittersweet, and I will try and do a nice and full reflection post when I've caught up on everything else.

Maybe You Need a Little Guatemala

The Thrilling Saga

Snapchat: the wonderful little social media platform where you and your friends exchange pictures. Sometimes they're helpful and provide something called a "geofilter." Perhaps You Need a Little Guatemala is one of those.

And the moment when I caught Syd making the weirdest face goes perfectly with it.

And shout out to Sasha for the screenshot and text filter on part 2.

Here's to many more shenanigans

Catcalling

[Today's Date Here]

Latin America is a place of machismo, or masculine pride, and Mexico is no different. It is pervasive and has affected many aspects of my life while living in Puebla.
Machismo comes from the desire to protect, from the patriarchal idea that it is a man's job to protect the women in his life. Men will open doors for you, will pay for your meals, will give up seats for you on the bus. I've had hosts offer me rides to ensure that I get home safely. These may seem harmless, and they are, but there are some major downsides to machismo as well.
Like cat-calling.

Cat-Calling

to make a whistle, shout, or comment of a sexual nature to a woman passing by

i.e.

to comment on the physicality of a female-presenting human being

this can be verbal, or an action like licking your lips, moving your whole head as you scan her body

This is something I have dealt with since puberty, since my hips started to fill out and my breasts started to grow. Men have been objectifying me and commenting on me for years. At first it was just glances, but then it turned into comments. Men were commenting and objectifying the body of a girl, of a minor.
When I was younger, I thought it was a complement. I waited for when I was catcalled, appreciating that the nice men took the time out of their day to call me beautiful or pretty. I believed this because I had been taught by society that my appearance was important, if not the most important, thing about me. I was taught to appreciate that men noticed me.

And but then as I got older the comments became more objectifying, more threatening. I became hyper-aware of who was around me, who was watching me, how people were responding to me as I went about my daily life. As I grew, I realized that cat-calling is not a compliment, and it never was.

Cat-calling is not for my benefit. It is not aimed for me to feel better about myself. I already know that I look beautiful, I don't need someone else telling me. I do not require an outside validation to appreciate my own appearance, even if it was the goal of the action.
But it's not.

Cat-calling is for the benefit of the man who commits it, and for his friends and the others around him. It has nothing to do with me. I get cat-called in jeans and a sweater, I get hollered at in dresses. I could be wearing a parka and men would comment on my appearance.

I'm sick  of being oogled because I'm a woman. I'm tired of being told I'm "overreacting" or that I should "take it as a compliment." It's exhausting. It's exhausting having to constantly monitor my surroundings because I never know when a look or comment will turn into a touch or worse. I come home every day and collapse onto my bed, finally free from the prying eyes of strangers who scour my body and turn me into an object for their enjoyment, an object that exists solely for them.

Cancun

17 a 19 de marzo

Like any true college students, we hit Cancun for spring break. While some drinking did occur, we mostly just spent our one free day chilling on a beach and avoiding being in our... I don't even know what to call it.... hostel?

Honestly, we were all very uncomfortable in this airbnb. We felt the photos lied to us and everything just felt so dirty and half-assed. It probably didn't help that we arrived after dark and we were all sweaty, tired and overwhelmed. I ended up calling mom crying about how freaked out I was.

BUT we lived, and we enjoyed our time in the turquoise waters immensely. Even Sasha swam in her shorts and t-shirt. 

We started the day with some tacos-for-brunch and a couple cocktails. I found my favorite drink, Miami Vice, for the first time since leaving the resort in Mazatlan, but let me say that this one was so much better.

The tacos were delicious and light enough that I didn't feel like dying in the intense heat. The restaurant was on a sort of board walk that also had some lounge chairs they let us use since we'd eaten there. 

So we had a wonderful view of the water, there were lockers for our valuables, drinks close by, and reserved seats just for us.

Only downside was that it was also right by the bungee jumping, so the guy who was announcing kept telling us how much fun bungee jumping would be. He also teased us when we started to fall asleep. 

But on the upside, we got to see a whole bunch of people go bungee jumping.

The water was amazing. I mean, just look at that color. It was also really warm, and there weren't intense waves so it was super calming and relaxing.

The same guys who were hosting bungee jumping also had some snorkeling equipment, so Syd and I got to see some little schools of fish. The dark patches in the photo are clumps of seaweed and rocks and there were so many cute little fish that swam right past me (as in, within inches). There were fish of so many different colors and sizes, and it was absolutely magical.

Going back to the hostel while it was still light out made it a little bit more comodo, but I can safely say that checking out the next morning was such a relief. It was a sobering airbnb experience; it made me realize that while airbnbs are mostly really amazing finds, sometimes you get a dud. 

Although, it did have a really, really nice view once the sun started going down.

Guatemala Part 3: Panajachel

15 a 17 de Marzo

After we left Antigua, we went to Panajachel, a small little fishermen's town on the edge of Lake Atitlan, a stunning freshwater lake surrounded by towering mountains.

Photo above is our view from our hotel room. On our last morning we were up with the sun, so we were able to see all of the fishermen coming in from their morning work. With fresh fish coming in every morning, the seafood in Panajachel was absolutely phenomenal. 

The easiest way to get around was to take a tuk-tuk, which is basically a 3 wheeled low-power scooter with a roof, between the hotel and the town for $1 USD and some spare change.

The roads were so bumpy, I felt like my body was going to vibrate so much I'd just dissolve into a puddle of glue. Since it was so hilly, you could only safely fit 2 people into each of them because if you tried to go uphill the motor would sound like it was dying. We tried to fit 4 people into one when we were coming back from dinner. Not only did it feel like we were going to fall out the sides of the thing, but I'm pretty sure walking would have been significantly faster.

We spent a lot of time exploring the markets, getting souvenirs for ourselves, friends and family, but we also took a private boat ride across the lake to San Pedro, an adorable little town nestled into the mountainside. 
San Pedro had the distinct feel of a home, but the exact feeling is a little hard to explain. Looking at the shoreline as we pulled away in our little lancha made me miss San Juan Island in Washington. 

It was a really quick, brief, relaxing trip and I was so sad to say goodbye to this lovely, lovely, place. If any of you want to go to Guatemala, make sure to stop in at one of the towns on the shores of Lake Atitlan, it's well worth the trek out. Those views alone were worth every cent I spent on this trip.

I mean, just look at the one we had.