It's Been a "Nope" Sort of Day

10 de febrero

Warning: this post is basically just going to be a big complaining dump about my day.

It's not that well written.

Sorry.

When I put on my "Nope" shirt today I was protesting a Spanish test that I had one night to study for. I was protesting having to wake up early and was expressing my general distaste for the day ahead.

Little did I know that it would quickly turn into the summary of my day.

My phone was stolen in a 30 second window on the (wrong) bus to school today.
I, stupidly, left it in an easily accessible pocket while I paid my fare and as soon as I found a spot and reached for it, it was gone. Props to the thief tho, I hope he gets some good money for it, it was a (relatively) new, nice phone.

I'm trying to be an optimist about this but it's not really working.

I feel kind of empty.

One of the issues with having an anxiety disorder and depression is literally anything can tip you over the scale. When my anxiety gets to high (like before an exam, like today) my depression is generally not too far behind. Motivation has been hard recently, and with this mourning process sort of thing literally all I want to do is curl up in my bed and never leave.

I want to call my parents and just talk.

I want to hide under the blankets and cry.

And it's not just because my phone was stolen, that's just the last straw in the snowball effect that is my life with mental illness (apologies for the blend of idioms). 

I keep being hard on myself about the phone thing and I know I should let it go but also I made a really stupid mistake and now I'm paying for it.

Basically I feel like a mess right now and I hate it.

But, shout out to my friends who comforted me today. It helped <3